Found Faithful

This has been the song that has been on my heart tonight.

"Found Faithful" by Justin Rizzo

I want to live before Your eyes
I want to stay before Your gaze
So keep me steady here

I want to run the race
I want to keep the faith
Help me win the prize
Of the knowledge of You

I want to be found faithful
I want to be found steady
I want to be found faithful
Until the end

Lord I pray that I would be found faithful and steady until the end.

I Danced in the Rain of Bread Today

I realized today that there are two kinds of wildernesses in life: one that is created by the enemy and man, and another that is created with purpose by God.

We often times don't think of the world that we live in a place of wilderness because it has all the disguises of the "flowing of milk and honey" and the "freedom" to choose and live our own life. We say, our families are alright (better than someone's), have a good job, have a lot of money, have comfort, have a roof over our heads, have this and that. However, we so often fail to realize that we are actually slaves in our hearts, souls, and minds to the system, to money, to man, to false expectations, to a false sense of approval, and this list goes on. Yeah, we get to sometimes enjoy a nice meal, afford to drive a nice car, make a lot of money, receive recognition and approval from others, but we don't see the reality that this wilderness is hostile against mankind, that its out to kill, steal, and destroy until there's nothing left. It's filled with chaos, people seeking selfish gains and willing to do anything (even another person's life) to have what they think will fill their endless hunger.

For some of us, we know that this hunger can only be filled by God alone. Yet, I always hear people complain and grumble when God leads us into His wilderness, and I am guilty of this too. We say, "God is out to kill us with nothing to eat!" or that he just wants to make us suffer, he wants us to make us slaves, and he doesn't want us to enter into the land flowing with milk and honey. We never see the God who knows what is best for us, the God who leads us with the clouds by day and the fire by night, the God who rains bread from heaven, the God who quenches our thirst with water from the rocks. We never see the God who wants to set us free from our slavery to the man-made idols. We don't recognize the God who gives us exactly enough bread for the day to feed on -- enough that we don't need the the sweeter things more desirable to our flesh. We don't see that his exact portion of bread for us is his fullness for us daily, and that when we don't eat what he gives we leave it to spoil. We don't see the God who desires us to walk in obedience so that when we go back into the hostile environment, we can continue to be filled by Him alone and be lead into the promise land.

I realized today how much I grieve the Holy Spirit by misunderstanding Him. His desire is for us to embrace his wilderness as he causes our hearts to completely turn to him wholeheartedly, to depend on him fully and him ALONE, to trust that he makes a way through anything, to show us that he won't give up on us, to trust that he will fill our hunger and every need, to train us to walk into the promise land and walk in breakthrough and victory in every area of our lives, to become REAL LOVE that the man-made wilderness fails to show. THIS is our God! Something significant that He spoke to me today was that I am to devour the bread that rains from heaven portioned to me daily and that I am not to leave any for the next day to spoil and rot. God is the living bread and what he gives us for today is for today, and we are to walk in full breakthrough with what he gives TODAY. I pray that we will stop waiting for breakthrough to land on our lap, but begin to walk filled with the living bread and allow Him to be all that He desires to be in our lives so that when we get back out there -- we know how to obey him and trust and believe that he gives in FULLNESS and nothing less.

His wilderness is ACTUALLY a very very safe place -- BELIEVE IT OR NOT! Dang. My God loves me. Ha!

Inspired by Exodus 16

'The Lighthouse'

Two weeks ago, I went up to the National Park Cabrillo in San Diego. It was my first time going up to a light house (yes this is it on the left). I'm not sure why the title "The Lighthouse" came up when I was deciding on what this blogspot would be called (I 'jokingly' went over many corny-er titles with cadengs), but I'm sure my trip here had something to do with it.

I learned several things. A lighthouse produces its source of light through a lamp, which was originally lit by open fires and then candles, and then concentrates its light outwardly through its optical lens, which is rotated sometimes as frequent as every two hours by wounding a weighted clockwork assembly by a lighthouse keeper (back in the old days at least -- now everything is powered electronically or mechanically).

It's purpose is to "guide mariners along the coast or into a port, or warn them of submerged dangers."

In short, I feel that I am to be like a lighthouse that is lit by a constant, consistent burning of intimacy that comes only from spending time with God, with an optical lens that concentrates that burning light wherever the 'lighthouse keeper' rotates it.

***Something significant to note about a lighthouse is that it never leads mariners to itself, but it leads and flashes light toward where the mariners need to go or avoid by the leading of the 'lighthouse keeper'. May this one do just that!

Goodbye Xanga, Hello Blogspot

I had to say my farewell to my dearest friend Xanga today, since January 2003. It wasn't just any xanga, but it was Nameless_Hatty. Yes, it's ironic that the first part of my username was "nameless" and the second part was actually my name. I remember I always wanted to be 'different' and during that time, everyone was in the scene with these special nicknames like 'cutie', 'ace', 'sexy', you name it -- it identified someone. Some people would even get in fights with each other, over who had claim over it and who had it first, but this is another story for another blog. Anyway, I just knew I didn't want to be labeled by these akas that would not do justice to my identity. So, I ended up with 'nameless' except that I totally contradicted the first part by ending it with my name. Ha! If only I had known that it would be prophetic for what the blog would be about. Even though the username didn't make any sense at all, I realized later that everything I would write about would have something to do with my journey with God and that's what it became.

Seriously, xanga is where it all started for me. It's where I started to declare my love for God publicly. It's where I shamelessly shared my brokenness and wrote about the way in which God redeemed me -- especially my family. It's where I wrote about things I didn't really comprehend, but wrote about anyway because it just felt 'right'. It's where I searched for truth, for meaning, for validation (especially through comments hehe). It's where I searched for the 'I' in my identity in Him. As I am saying goodbye to my xanga, I'm realizing what my username really meant. It meant that I was called by my name by God, and that as I would search for my identity in Him that I would become so consumed by his identity to the point that I would be nameless. faceless.

I think this is where I am to begin my next journey on blogspot. Yes, I have officially converted to blogspot, but I am a xanga girl at heart. So I just wanted to dedicate my first entry to Xanga, the place where my journey first started. But above even xanga, I just want to honor holy spirit, Jesus, and God the Father who makes all things possible and declare that this new blog will truly honor Him, and Him alone.

Check it out though: www.xanga.com/nameless_hatty
**I still don't understand a lot of the stuff I wrote about =b