The Journey That Was Never Mine

As I am preparing to leave San Diego, I'm seeing the reality that people part and go their separate ways.

During the past four years, I saw myself walk this journey that I thought was mine. I saw other people's journeys that I admired, and I tried to imitate them and sometimes take theirs as my own. In the process of doing this, I often times found myself so lost from forcefully transplanting myself (or sometimes reasonably justifying myself) onto a path that was not designed for me, because I never allowed God to lead me to that place. It wasn't so much that whatever I was doing was wrong, but that there was something that was to take place in between that I skipped over. I made it about the destination and what I was DOING. It was difficult. I didn't believe that God had a special journey specifically designed for me and created for me.

As I look back and find myself now back here at square one, I realize now that I am where I should be -- just nowhere. haha. That sounds a bit depressing, but it's NOT. I feel so at peace because it's so easy to get so caught up in "the journey" that you forget what that journey was all about. I think, for me, that seeing things "work" and "happen" made me excited. It kept my engine going. I saw myself see what kind of strategies and things worked in other people's lives and helped them, and tried to reproduce it in my own life. It worked. But it was so short-lived. Not because it stopped working, but because it just wasn't all that I was designed for. I wasn't living this life to just get things in life, even people, to work and function properly, but I was living to walk this journey with a person, with a holy being who seeks intimacy with me. I realize how God really loves to take his time with us, not because he's slow or he's lazy, but because he's waiting to just have us for himself before he even leads us to where he wants to take us. It's so tempting to become so consumed in the excitement of creating something, leading something, DOING something, that just BEing WITH God can become secondary. And that friends, will get us into A LOT of trouble.

When different people would talk to me about what they were DOING, there were so many times I could feel that inkling of desire to want to DO something too. And honestly, the doing part is not so hard for me; it's actually more natural. I don't even have to think about it. But, I would hear these stories, and I would think that I wasn't doing something right. I began to imagine these scenarios that I wasn't DOING anything noble or great by just BEING and not DOING anything noticeably great, that I forced myself upon the same part of the journey that all these people around me were on --- only to find myself lost a little bit later because it wasn't the journey that was designed for me.

I'm rediscovering the Mary heart in me and I'm back here again, and I'm learning to BE and to allow His adventure for me to unravel before me, rather than go searching for it on my own in other people's lives or even in this world. If I can share a word, especially to those younger, I really pray that you would never feel pressured to walk a path that was never yours to walk on. And I repent as myself, and on behalf of all those you have looked up to, that has tried to subconsciously pressure you to walk the same journey that we were on rather than honor and be excited for yours to unravel before you. And I pray that you will know His pleasure over you to simply just be with you -- that without you doing anything, that he enjoys your company on this journey that is HIS and not yours. That what MAKES this journey.. a journey.. is not that you are destined for something great or going to do something crazy but that God is with you and walking with you and sharing HIS heart with you on this journey to make you WHOLE and HIS. That MAKES this one heck a journey worth to walk on. I pray that you will walk on the one He designed for you and that in that process that you will FIND Him which will never be taken away from you and that you will be made whole -- living for Him and only Him .

It's never about the destination, just the journey He has WITH you.

Jeremiah 29:11-13
For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for WHOLENESS and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will hear you. You will seek me and find me. When you seek me with all your heart, I will be found by you, declares the Lord, and I will restore your fortunes and gather you from all the nations and all the places where I have driven you, declares the Lord, and I will bring you back to the place from which I sent you into exile.

Luke 10: 42
...but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.